So, What Are You Afraid Of?

As a social scientist I constantly examine my place in the world and interaction with others. I realize I am always looking at how I move through my surroundings and those I come in contact with. I believe when it comes to conquering fears that are instilled in us by our own culture and societal norms, one must be self-aware and also examine and be prepared to reject much of the societal expectations that have been placed on us. In other words, reject what you are being told you should be and be yourself. We are all being told we are not perfect, ideal, smart or sexy enough, when we should be embracing our uniqueness. The things we need to buy in order to become a better us are dictated to us constantly. That's a lie. We need to be focused on loving ourselves, not on what "they" tell us we need to do in order to conform.  

Every day I see people who are afraid, lonely, unhappy and insecure. I think we need to stop being afraid to give and receive love. This has nothing to do with sex. It is about opening yourself up to others, genuinely caring about them and being able to empathize. Don't give in to those who want you to think of everyone else as the "others", as less than. Think about why you dislike certain people. If they have been horrible to you, perhaps forgive them and move on. If not, re-evaluate what has made you feel the way you do about them. It is not okay to hold on to all of the negative, angry thoughts and feelings you have. It only weighs you down and makes you miserable. Try to let it go and move forward. Do what you need to do to find joy, passion and love, for yourself and those around you.

I'm not talking about giving up everything and living in a tent somewhere (unless that is what will make you truly happy). I'm saying we need to be able to see things that influence us in a negative way for what they are. For me it is television, Corporate America, politics, the business of "beauty" and fallout from a horrible break up that re-surfaces when I least expect it. To be able to cut as many of those negative things out of our daily existence as possible, that is the way to silence the voices that are influencing us and start conquering many of our fears. Once you're not focused on the overwhelming horror stories on the nightly news or thinking about something bad that happened to you or constantly being bombarded with images of what corporations say is the standard for beauty, you can move forward in a positive frame of mind.

We also need to be able to hold those influences at arms-length and really examine what good there is in the world, in addition to the bad. Stop being afraid to live your life. Don't let the media scare you into hating another race or culture or group of people. Stop hiding in your house, at work, in your day to day activities. I have encounters with both positive and negative people every day. Some days it's hard to ignore those who seem bound and determined to dump on others and I feel sorry for them. They are missing out on the opportunity to really dig in and enjoy their lives. If I could do one thing for you, for everyone, it would be to help you let that negative, fear-driven stuff go and start finding out who you are, what you need (versus want) and what really makes you happy.

Fear is a 4-letter word, but then so are other words like good, give, hugs, dogs, cats, kids, live and most important of all - love. So get out there, hold your head up high, enjoy this life you've been given and share the love.

I'm Still Here...

I've been working on content for my zine, slowly but surely. I should mention that I was hit by a drunk driver and that delayed some projects I was working on, including this one. I'm recovering from a concussion and it left me feeling foggy and my short-term memory has had a few issues. It's coming back now and even though I haven't recovered some of what I wanted to write about, I am jumping in with both feet to get issue #1 completed in time for the Portland Zine Symposium next month.

I think my accident (or collision, as my girlfriend prefers to call it) has reinforced what I wanted to discuss. Life is too short to live in fear and you never know when your time will be up. I have a piece I've written about growing up in our society as an overweight person. It's personal and from a female perspective, but I think it is a subject that rings true for anyone who has been made to feel like they do not fit into a "normal", socially acceptable mold. I don't and even though I hated myself for many years over it, I am so glad to not be just another follower - trying to keep up with everyone else.

Being "normal" is a myth. It doesn't exist. There are people out there who will try with every ounce of their being to convince you that normal is good and just and what you should strive to be. "Fit in, don't stand out! Conform and we will accept you as one of us! Don't be one of 'them', they're disgusting. We are beautiful, popular, wanted, loved, acceptable." That is a lie. Everyone has something that makes them different, unique and beautiful, whether it's on the outside or inside. Even if people choose to ignore it, cover it up or bury it down deep inside because they want to fit in, it's there. If you take the time to step back and observe people you will see everyone wants to be liked, everyone wants to feel loved. We all try to work around the things that we think others might not like about us, so we can be accepted. I have spent most of my life trying to be what I thought would make me socially acceptable. I see that now. And to be honest, the more I look, the more I do not want to have anything to do with that lie and the people who perpetuate it. It took me stepping back and realizing that I only have one life to live and that I actually like myself as I am to find people who genuinely like me for me.

I now have friends and a partner who love and respect me because I am true to myself. I'm not saying it's easy to let go of the conditioning laid on us by popular culture, media and our everyday surroundings. I'm certainly not saying I'm awesome or telling anyone else what to do with their life. I'm just telling you what I did to find happiness. It's not easy and I fight with myself a lot. I have to take jobs I don't want to do sometimes in order to pay my bills. I have modest needs, but they need to be met in order for me to eat, pay bills, etc. It is a balancing act.

I am working every day to break the cycle of fearing what others might think of me in order to accept and love who I am and try to figure out what I'm all about. I believe discovering who you are, both the good and the bad, is crucial to overcoming fear and finding happiness. An exercise you should try - if you had to describe your self using single words, what would they be? Open yourself up and let it flow. I'll go first.

Words that describe me (some of these have been used by others, not myself)- artist, friend, partner, queer, vegetarian, multi-tasker, sarcastic, intelligent, loving, compassionate, flawed, fat, funny, diabetic, self-conscious, confident, butch, sexual, sweet, passionate, cuddly, daughter, sister, writer, musician, animal lover, activist, tattooed, poor, patient, damaged, empathetic, lonely, optimistic, realist, big-hearted, sensitive, environmentalist, submissive, hopeful, imperfect, failure, resilient, procrastinator, perfectionist, lazy, weak, beautiful, warm, monogamous, human, female.

I want to see your list. Tell me who you are. Be honest, have fun and most importantly, be you.
fearisa4letterword@gmail.com

A (Kinda) New Venture

I bought the domain name fearisafourletterword.com 2 1/2 years ago. There was just something about what I was going through at the time, personally and emotionally, that made those words ring true to me. I wanted to explore the idea of fear in our society and its impact on us and our behavior. I've never had the time or motivation to get the website up and running, but now the opportunity to publish my first zine has come up and I want to re-visit this project. I figured I should create a blog to accompany it, to document my ramblings and creative process. I will be adding more as time goes by, as I start the process of assembling years of random thoughts and scribbling into a (hopefully) cohesive publication. You're welcome to come along for the ride.